My family is close and we have always been there for each other. That was clear once again when doctors found my brain tumor. We were in Utah in July when everything unfolded, and at the time none of my immediate family was living there, but a lot of my inlaws were. Pretty immediately we made arrangements for our boys to stay with their aunt and uncle while we went down to Salt Lake City for further evaluation. My mother-in-law also helped watch the boys when we had to stay overnight. The boys had a blast. Their aunt gave them popsicles, and their grandma took them to feed the ducks. If they remember it, I know those will be fun memories.
I texted my family when I was in the first ER and told them something was wrong with my eye and I might have a blood clot. My sister was living in Idaho and hopped in the car with her roommate and started driving to Utah. They kept tabs on me to make sure they got to the right place, and they arrived at the ER in Salt Lake City minutes before we did. I quickly learned that my sister's roommate lost her grandmother (a dear family friend of ours) to breast cancer the night before. It was a touching time to feel my sister's support for me and also to extend love to her roommate and her family. My dad made arrangements to fly to Utah as soon as he could and arrived in SLC at 11pm that night. We stayed with my husband's aunt and uncle after being discharged really late, and we hoped my dad could have breakfast with us. He told me he didn't have time--he had to go back to Los Angeles for meetings, but he came to check on me and pray with me. The fact that he only had about an hour to spend with us made me feel even more loved. My mom was ready to hop on a plane as soon as we knew where we were going to be (Utah or Oregon) and help with our kids. My other sister and brother were praying for me and hoping everything would be okay.
We made it back to Oregon and things calmed down a bit, but they were going to get worse before they truly got better. The weekend before my surgery, my mom and dad came to town. My mom ended up staying for three weeks watching my kids, driving me around, taking me to the ER (again!), going with me to doctors' appointments. She was so helpful. It was comforting to have my dad visit too, though his stays were shorter so he could get back to work.
After my mom left a few weeks after my surgery, my in-laws came. My mother-in-law took my kids on walks and drove me to the grocery store so we could pick up groceries I had ordered online. I hardly remember anything from my in-laws visiting, but I remember my mother-in-law's sweetness.
A few days after my mother-in-law left, my husband's sister came to help us. She has six kids (they are older than ours, but still, she is a busy lady!), and she took the time to come help us. She made over a dozen freezer meals for us in two days--those meals fed us for months during our most difficult times. She drove me around town so I could get out of the house, paid for my hot chocolate when I realized I had forgotten my wallet and promised my son a treat, and let me sleep when I was too tired to go with her for drop offs and pick ups from school. One of the most amazing things she did was play with my kids on Sunday morning while my husband was in meetings. I was in bed, but I could tell she had patience to show them that I didn't have at the time, and she was so engaged. Six months post-surgery I am feeling much more engaged with my kids, but at the time she visited I couldn't comprehend being engaged with my kids at all!
Then my mom came again to go to my oncology appointment with me. She shared my shock when the doctor recommended chemotherapy. She just loved me. I can't point to one specific thing she did that stood out. She was there, and she loved me, and I felt safe because she was by my side.
After my oncology appointment (more than five weeks after surgery), I was able to drive again. I couldn't fully bend over, and I spent a lot of each day laying down with ice on my face, but I was so happy that I could take my sons to school.
Seven and a half weeks after surgery, my entire family came to visit. It was a hard weekend. My face was hurting badly and I struggled to keep up with conversation. My dad said to my mom, "I didn't expect her to be this bad." It was that bad. The adults in the family went to dinner and I had to have an ice pack on my face the entire time.
A few days after their visit, my mom and sister were with me at USC where I got a second opinion. My sister is on a cancer research team there and lined up her preeminent boss to look at my case and answer all of my questions. I felt like I had people in my corner. During that quick trip to Los Angeles I spent time chatting with my brother. He was stressed out about school and I jokingly said, "well, you could have a brain tumor." He looked at me and with complete sincerity he responded, "If there were anyway that I could take this from you, I would." I wanted to cry. He is the sweetest.
Throughout this whole process family members have called or texted to see how I'm doing. When they haven't wanted to call or text me, they would call or text my husband. Family matters a lot, and I'm not sure we could have made it through without them.
Above all, my husband has been there. He watches the kids and has been solid for them when I've needed to withdraw and heal. He takes them to do fun things. He bought all the Christmas presents in October without being asked! We may not have had Christmas without him! At times he has been frustrated because the healing process has been so hard, and then he shows more love and understanding. I love him, and I am so grateful for him. We have made it to this point because we have wonderful families supporting us.
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